Clark Griswold Goes Costco-ing! Along with Lowes and Best Buy, Costco rounds out the list of top three stores that needs no excuse for “visiting.” It’s amazing how much time AND money can often “disappear” when one strolls the aisles of Costco. While I enjoy meandering the aisles there, I also know how to “power-shop” when needed. The “power-shopping” experiences mostly happen when I declare a “field trip” to Costco to buy food and supplies for the Parish Center. When we go “Costco-ing” for the Parish Center, we can quickly breeze through $700-$800 for the needed food and supplies in our carts.
On this one particular day not too long ago, my calendar was clear for a power-shopping experience to Costco. As I often do, I inquired to see who wanted to join me. I like to bring along one or two others to speed up the process of shopping, packing the car and then unpacking and putting everything away back at the Parish Center. On this particular field trip, only Dina Ciaffone, our Business Manager, dared to go Costco-ing with me! She was even kind enough to drive … a kindness she would later regret!
Once we got to Costco, we divided our list and off we went. I had a flatbed cart and Dina had a regular shopping buggy. As I was gathering the items on my list, I passed the rotisserie chicken area and decided to pick up some chicken noodle soup. Costco’s chicken noodle soup is the best! I decided to get only one container of it and was very careful with where I put it on the flatbed because I didn’t want it to get crushed. As I made my way through the store, I said hello to the myriad of parishioners and Costco employees I knew. We even ran into Kathy Kalich, our principal, who was also picking up some chicken noodle soup for a teacher luncheon she was planning.
Dina and I met at the cash registers and went through check out. I always feel sorry for the person or family behind me because it usually takes me a long time to check out. That’s what happens when you have close to $800 in food and supplies in your carts. Once we got to Dina’s car, we got the supplies carefully arranged to make the most efficient use of the available space in her car. I purposely put all the pop cases at the back end of the car. I then decided to wedge my prized chicken noodle soup container in between the two columns of pop cases I created. I was bound and determined to keep that chicken noodle soup protected! I couldn’t wait to get home and feast on that soup for dinner.
Once we got to the Parish Center, Dina backed up into Fr. John’s driveway so we could unload the goods through the back Parish Center door. She called over to Paul, one of our maintenance guys, and he helped unpack the car as well. Dina took a few items from the back seat and walked into the Parish Center right away. We agreed she would put everything away; I would be responsible for getting everything inside. I walked to the back of the car and pushed the button to open the rear hatch. As the hatch was opening, my eyes locked on some thick gooey liquid that was on the carpet. My heart stopped. Then I saw noodles splattered on some of the pop cases. Then I saw stray chicken pieces and carrots. This had all the appearances of an absolute disaster. I then caught sight of the chicken noodle soup container. My heart stopped again. The container got crushed from the weight of a pop case than shifted and fell on top of it during the ride home. At first, it didn’t look too bad because the mess seemed contained to the back end of the hatch area. As I took items out of the car, it was clear the chicken noodle soup had wandered far more than I initially thought. As I was scrambling to get the situation under control, one of our teachers, A.J. Hakim, also joined in to help unload the car. We brought out some paper towels and started to wipe down the boxes of those items making their way into the Parish Center. Unfortunately, the chicken noodle soup splattered everywhere. Imagine a case of 24 pop cans falling on one of those simple Costco chicken noodle soup containers. You get the picture. It was if an 800-pound gorilla had just stomped on it. There was chicken noodle soup stuff all over the back end of Dina’s car. After scooping up most of the soup from the carpet, I figured I might as well open the tire well and storage compartment area. As I did so, my heart stopped again. I found chicken noodle soup in the spare tire well, the hatch lock assembly and all throughout the storage compartment. At this point I could have used a defibrillator; I also confirmed my “48-hour” antiperspirant doesn’t work too well. As I surveyed the mess, I thought of only one thing. Had this been one of my sisters’ cars, there would have only been one conclusion to this story, and be assured I wouldn’t have been around to complete this bulletin article. I. WOULD. HAVE. BEEN. DEAD. This was one big fat obnoxious royal mess. I went in and broke the news to Dina. She was calm about it and I assured her I was doing my best to get it all cleaned up. After going through MANY rolls of paper towels and two huge containers of Clorox wipes (the orange scented version was the best for cutting through the chicken noodle soup smell), I was confident I had the mess pretty much under control. The story provided laughs for the staff for many days to follow. I did, however, get “fired” from “Costco-ing” unless I drove my own car. Dina then provided us with reports for many days thereafter of where she continued to find noodles, carrots and chicken in her car. The worst was hearing about the chicken noodle soup icicles that formed on the back end of her car the night after she went through the car wash (this was during one of our Polar Vortex days)! Dina also confirmed that rotten chicken noodle soup residue is probably never going to make it as a top flavor of the air fresheners they give out at car washes! Okay, YES, I got fired from “Costco-ing” but at least I’ll be better prepared to store my chicken noodle soup differently the next time I buy it. It was another Clark Griswold moment that will follow me all the days of my life. All I could say to myself was: “Good going Clark! You did it again.”